Visordown versus Karl Harris

Contestant Profile

Name: Karl Harris
Age: 27
Chosen specialty: Boxing
Salary bracket: £35,000-£45,000
Profession: Motorcycle racer. This year in BSB for  RM Yamaha but in the past I have raced for loads of Honda teams and for Suzuki as well.

What’s the best thing about your job: Just doing what I do and getting paid for it, this is what I’ve always wanted and to make a living out of racing a bike in a series as competitive as BSB is a brilliant feeling

What do you like about the bike industry: I like working for straight-talking people. In the past I have worked for teams and felt like nothing more than a number, just another cog in the system. But most people in this industry are very passionate about bikes and their jobs, and some much more so than others. This year I’m working with a cracking bunch of blokes and I couldn’t be happier. And if I’m happy, then the results should come.

Fresh from Whitham’s victory against BMW’s war-knowledge loser Scott Grimsdall it was time to get physical for Round Two of our open contest to the bike industry. Now Karl Harris isn’t built like your average racer. He’s short and strong, and finds that boxing is an excellent way of increasing endurance while at the same time as trimming every last ounce of unwanted bodyfat. So we picked our champion in the shape of features editor John Hogan (who used to box in the Army and endlessly bores us with stories of clouting people) and packed him off to Sheffield to knock Karl’s arse on the floor over three full-contact rounds. Hogan picks up the story.

“The session we did at Karl’s gym was called Vomit Monday and involved punishing press-up and sit-up routines followed by long sessions on the punch bags.  It was as hard a session as I expected, but I didn’t puke. Quite. After a couple of minutes’ rest we stuck on some sparring gloves and climbed into the ring for the first of three two-minute rounds. Moving around the ring my ringcraft was definitely better than Karl’s, I found it fairly easy to slip his punches and was landing some reasonable shots of my own. A couple of times in the first round Karl bullied me into a corner and unleashed some hefty hooks to my body, thankfully I was able to punch my way out of the corner to grab a breather. The first round went to me, no question. The second round was going okay until I started having problems with carburation, namely I stopped breathing through my mouth and began breathing out of my arse. I’m not terribly fit at the moment (at all) and as I got tired my hands dropped and I left myself open to Karl’s jab. I got caught on the chin a couple of times as Karl took the second round. So all to fight for in the third!

Some say attack is the best form of defence, but I say defence is the best form of defence and did the best impression of a Shoei my arms could muster. I had zero energy in the last round, Karl’s fitness playing a key part in the round and I just didn’t have the reserves to be able to trade punches.  We spent most of the last round pushing each other around the ring. Karl is mega strong and if my feet weren’t planted properly he could push me around like a wonky-wheeled shopping trolley. I managed to land a few good shots in the third but was very glad to hear the bell and wasn’t surprised when the coach delcared Karl the winner.

Like most of the boxers I know Karl is a proper tough guy but a gentleman at the same time. He uses the boxing training to help clear his mind before a race, and to help him bully a bike around a track. Three years ago I wouldn’t have given Karl a run for his money: I would have battered him. But you are only ever as good as your last fight, or race, and in this case I was rubbish. With a couple of months of training I would happily accept a re-match, although I would be much happier if I could find someone in the bike industry that fancies taking us on at fly fishing. In the words of one of the greatest minds of my generation - Homer Simpson - ‘I’m in shape! Round is a shape.’”

Result: we lose...

Karl Harris: 2 rounds

John Hogan: 1 round

Verdict: Visordown loses thanks to Hogan’s near total lack of fitness and his refusal to do any excercise before the event. Tsk.