10 things bikers do that piss me off
Jon Urry often turns into a seething rage-filled monster when he's on his bike. And what's the cause? Other bikers, that's what...
"I'm on the edge, teetering between blind rage and saintly calm. Look out, the next unfortunate who lights my fuse, I'm ready to unleash venom like a barrel of snakes. But what turns me into a seething rage-filled monster? Bikers, that's what. Sometimes they really piss me off! Here's why... " says special correspondent Ron Jury
1. Bikers who stop just in front of me at a set of traffic lights when I've already overtaken them
I've stopped at a set of lights, so why does this idiot feel the need to stop one foot ahead of my front wheel? Is it a sign of machismo? Is this the male biking equivalent of beating his chest and exposing his fangs like a male baboon? Piss off. I overtook you because you were getting in the way, not because I wanted a race. Great, you have a faster bike, well done you. Oh look, you can accelerate faster than me, whoopee. Guess what? Yes, next time we get to some stationary traffic I'm going to get stuck behind you again because you don't know what you're doing. No, I'm not racing, I just want to get to where I'm heading at my own pace, not be held up by your poor filtering.
2. Bikers who spend a fortune on their own kit, give their pillion the leftovers and then ride like a prick
Don't you look great in your new leathers, lid and boots on your new superbike? But what's that you're
pillion's wearing? A 10-year-old lid that's been dropped more times than a whore's draws? What's that
protecting her legs? Sun cream? And you're riding like a pillock. You inconsiderate twat. How would you feel if you crash? Yes, you'll be fine, but what about your pillion? Skin grafts, brain damage, broken bones. It won't be pretty, and neither will she be after a trip down the road with only factor 12 for protection. Pillions are your responsibility. Look after them, ride properly, spend some cash on their kit.
3. Non-filterers
Why ride a bike if you can't or won't filter? Do you like getting wet? Enjoy the cold? What's the point? If you like sitting in queues then drive a car.
4. Bikers on bikes with panniers who won't move out of the way.
If you have panniers on your bike then you're going to be too wide to fit through that gap. But I'm not, so get the hell out of the way! Stop blocking the filtering route while you sit there waiting for that gap to increase to a size you can get through. Please let me through!
5. Biker cops who pretend to be your mate when they have just nicked you!
You ride a bike, you say? What have you got? One of the lads, eh? A biker too? No, you've just nicked me and given me a twattish lecture for something you're probably going to do on your bike on the way home once your shift is over. Piss off.
